Deciding to reach out for support is one of the bravest things you can do. But once you have made that decision, the next question often stops people in their tracks: how do I actually find the right person to talk to?
The truth is, the relationship between you and your therapist matters more than almost any other factor. Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps. So choosing the right fit is not just a nice-to-have — it is central to the process.
Start With What You Are Looking For
Before you begin searching, it helps to have a loose sense of what you are hoping for. You do not need to have everything figured out — that is what therapy is for — but consider: Are you dealing with something specific, like anxiety, trauma, or grief, or is it more of a general sense that something is off? Do you prefer a structured approach (like tools and strategies) or a more open, exploratory conversation? Does it matter to you that your therapist has personal or cultural familiarity with your experience?
Look at Their Specializations
Counsellors often work with a wide range of concerns, but most have areas where they do their deepest work. If you are recovering from trauma, look for someone trained in trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, somatic work, or Internal Family Systems. If anxiety is your main struggle, cognitive behavioural approaches or mindfulness-based therapy may be a good fit. It is perfectly reasonable to ask a therapist directly: Do you have experience working with people going through what I am describing?
Pay Attention to How the Consultation Feels
Most therapists offer a free or low-cost initial consultation. This is your chance to get a sense of whether you feel at ease with them. Notice: Do you feel heard? Do you feel judged? Does their style feel like it matches how you naturally communicate? There is no formula here. Sometimes the most qualified person on paper is not the right fit. Trust your gut more than you might expect to.
Logistics Matter Too
Practical factors are real and worth considering. Can you afford the sessions? Do they offer sliding scale? Are they available at times that actually work for your schedule? Is the location manageable, or do they offer virtual sessions? Therapy only helps if you can actually get there consistently.
It Is Okay to Try More Than One Person
If you meet with someone and it does not feel right, that does not mean therapy is not for you — it may just mean that person was not the right match. Switching therapists is not a failure. It is part of finding what works, and a good therapist will not take it personally.
You deserve to work with someone who makes you feel safe enough to be honest. If you’re ready to take that step, I’d be glad to be part of your journey. Madeleine Sullivan offers counselling in Victoria, BC and virtually throughout British Columbia. Book a free 30-minute consultation — no pressure, just a warm conversation to see if it’s a good fit.